Falling Too Fast & Obsessing Over the Wrong Guy.

 It’s not about controlling the other person—it’s about being honest with myself.

Will it ever end? The cycle of falling too fast

I have one question: Will it ever end? Will I ever figure out why I can’t stop falling for guys I meet for less than an hour?

The moment that sparks it all.

Here I am in Croatia, not even a week in, and on my second night, I get invited to this cosy birthday gathering—a mix of family and friends. The atmosphere is straight out of a postcard: warm summer breeze, delicious food, drinks flowing, and chatter under the open sky.

At first, everything is slow, slightly awkward—the kind of quiet that lingers when strangers share a space. Then, I end up sitting near three guys, and that’s when it happens.

You know the feeling. That moment. The instant attraction. I lock eyes with one of them—the one I can’t stop staring at. My type to a T. He strikes up the first conversation, and just like that, my emotional radar locks in on him.

I try to stay present, to talk to others, but every time I manage to pull away, I find myself sneaking glances at him.

Why does this always happen? Why do I instantly spiral into emotional overdrive? I've noticed I don’t just get a casual crush—I get completely smitten in no time at all.

Falling too fast: obsessing over the wrong guy.

It doesn’t take long for my mind to start painting a picture: Maybe he’s into me. Maybe I’m his type.

Then I find out he’s a doctor—another layer of appeal. Confidence? Check. Charm? Check. European? Double check. He seems like the full package, and suddenly, I’m daydreaming.

But here’s the thing—it’s always too good to be true.

The next day, I casually asked my friend about him. She shuts it down faster than I can blink: “Oh, him? He’s obnoxious and full of himself. Tried to hit on me once. Total flirt.”

Ouch. That stings. Not because I knew him well—we exchanged only a handful of words—but because, once again, I had built a fantasy in my mind.

And just like that, the daydream evaporates.

The bigger picture: it’s not about him, it’s about me.

This entire situation makes me reflect on a pattern I’ve seen in myself.

Why do I keep falling for the wrong guys?

Or more importantly—why do I let my emotions run wild with men who give me just enough attention?

I’m starting to realise—it might not have much to do with them at all.

It has everything to do with me.

Doing the work and being honest with yourself.

For years, I convinced myself I didn’t want a relationship. Casual meetups? Fine. Situationships? No problem. At least, that’s what I thought.

But looking back, I always felt crushed when connections faded. And that’s when it hit me—maybe I’ve been wearing a mask. Maybe I do want something deeper. Maybe I just haven’t admitted it yet.

If I don’t sit with myself and figure out what I actually want, I’ll keep falling into this cycle. It’s not about controlling the other person—it’s about being honest with myself.

What am I looking for? A hookup? A fun fling? A relationship?

There’s no right or wrong answer. But I need to know what I want before I let someone into my life.

Every time I’ve felt hurt by a guy’s lack of interest, it wasn’t because of them—it was because I hadn’t been honest with myself about my own expectations.

The journey to self-awareness.

This isn’t a quick fix. I’m not going to wake up tomorrow with all the answers. But here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Know your intentions: Whether it’s a one-night hookup or the hope for a long-term relationship, I’ve started being honest about my intentions from the start.

2. Be kind to yourself: Dating isn’t perfect—it’s messy, emotional, unpredictable. Mistakes happen, but self-compassion is key to growing stronger.

3. Understand your triggers: If I start obsessing over messages or feeling anxious when someone doesn’t reply, I take a step back. Is this really about them, or is it something deeper within me?

4. Take off the mask: Pretending I’m okay with what I have, when I actually want the opposite, only hurts me in the long run. Real honesty—no matter how scary—creates space for genuine connection.

The bigger lesson: you can’t skip the work.

It’s tempting to think all of this can be solved by journaling, meditating, or manifesting the perfect relationship.

And while those things help, the real work happens in the messy, unpredictable world. You have to experience connection, make choices, reflect, and grow.

It’s exhausting, sometimes painful. But it’s worth it.

The most important thing? Start with yourself.

If you’re still carrying old wounds, fears, or unresolved emotions, you’ll keep attracting situations that mirror those struggles. But if you take the time to understand and accept who you truly are—not just who your past has shaped you to be—you’ll finally be able to welcome the kind of connection that adds to your happiness.

What really matters in the end.

At the end of the day, it’s not about finding the perfect guy.

It’s about committing time to myself—figuring out what brings me comfort and happiness.

Love and dating shouldn’t define my life, no matter how much it may feel that way sometimes. The butterflies might be real… but they also flutter away just as quickly, often leaving behind confusion, emptiness, and unanswered questions.

But here’s the truth: I deserve more than temporary moments of excitement.

I deserve real love—the kind that doesn’t require chasing, settling, or sacrificing my happiness.

So, moving forward, I choose to believe—with confidence—that what I desire is possible.

I choose to trust that I don’t need to settle.

I choose to put myself first. Because life is about exploring, taking risks, and having fun.

And I refuse to live it any other way.

Amelia X

Quiet mornings in Paris — where the heart finds clarity.

ost in thought, wondering if it's time to break the cycle.

Coffee dates with myself to reflect on life and love.